Dad, alive in me

February 6, at 5:50 am, I had to say a final goodbye to my very best friend - my dad.  There were so many that came to the funeral home to share their stories of "Pete" and the way he had touched their lives.  I always knew my dad was so very loving, caring, merciful and such a peacemaker.  He was generous and protective, and genuinely encouraging - always, in all ways.

Dad is one of the main reasons I came to know God my Heavenly Father that at the tender age of 5. Not that dad was perfect - but he was so inherently good.  So good to me.  Not that he gave me everything, but in the way he loved me completely and purely.  I was always safe with him.  He was my hero. I loved the way he always scrunched up his nose, and winked at me when he'd see me. And he always made me feel tenderly special.  So when my preacher talked about a Heavenly Father, I could only imagine Him being like some turbo charged up giant version of my earthly dad.  I was all in. Dad loved guiding me in my spiritual journey, and some of my favorite memories are of him reading the bible to me at night.  As as little girl, I didn't know the bible that well so i would always request Matthew 1.  And he would read it! For those of you who may not know, it's just a chapter of "begats" with tons of hard to pronounce names.  But he read them to me anyway.  He loved me. 

Losing dad was and is the hardest thing I've ever experienced.  He used to visit me every Monday at the bank, when he made his church's deposit.  He'd have on his work khaki's, his red farm jacket, and a well worn Crop Production Services cap, his favorite. I loved talking to him, but even moreso listening to him. No matter how busy I was, I would shut the door, ignore my calls and treasure daddy-time.  He enjoyed mentoring me in the business world, and hearing my stories of figuring out how to be a good mom and wife.  And I relished the stories of his interactions with his neighbors and friends.  Dad had a relentless passion to show people to Christ, just through genuine and simple acts of love and kindness.  And the list of those lives he impacted and helped change is endless. He was a true missionary, right here. 

When dad died, I didn't understand.  What was the purpose of his death?  He was so fruitful, passionate and SO dearly loved and depended upon.  After the numbness of his death lifted, I found myself still thinking of him constantly.  And in every situation, I started asking myself "how would dad handle this?  How would he treat this person? Would he forgive?  Would he apologize?  Would he be honest.  Would he encourage?"  I didn't really set out to do that, it just started happening automatically. 

And you know what? I started living differently.  I accepted those things as "good ways to live".  Dad lived such a good and beautiful life - even in his weaknesses, he taught me so much.  How could I go wrong?

The night that he died, I held him in my arms and sang his favorite hymns to him.  He was having such a struggle to even connect with me, he had gotten so sick. When I would start a new song, Dad would open those crystal blue eyes and look so deep into my soul, then close his eyes as I sang the rest.  I knew He was staying because I couldn't let go.  Finally, I told him, "Dad, I will take care of mom, I promise.  And I will take care of myself.  And I will keep you in my heart, always."  Then Dad took his last three breaths, and stepped into Heaven, with our Heavenly Father.  He didn't have a smile on his face as he left.  I know heaven is amazing, but I know dad wanted to stay here with us so much.  

The days since that cold February morning have been tricky. But one thing that always brings me peace and always helps me "experience" dad - is when I live by his example, That's when I realize, that Dad is actually still alive, in my heart.  That brings me comfort.  I experience dad's presence in a very real way, and i find PEACE.

Recently, Jesus spoke to me on this.

In my life, I've read books, attending conferences, prayed, searched and counseled on how to live out my Christian faith in this world full of troubles.  But truly, it is very simple.  We all have a loving, compassionate Heavenly Father.  He longs to sit and visit with us, hear our stories, our troubles - but most of all He needs us to listen.  He sent us a great example to live by - Jesus Christ.

Jesus was crucified, but He still lives and is present in our every day lives.  And if you want to feel close to Him, if you want to experience Him daily - try living like Him.  Try doing things the way He would have done them instead of your own way.   God the Father wants us to carry on reflecting HIS heart in what we think, say, do and feel.  Complete the promises you made to Him.  He will show up in such a powerful way.  If you don't know Him yet, I would sure love to tell you about Him.  He is an easy Father to know and love. He never turns down an invitation!   He's a good, good Father.  And you are very loved by Him.  Would you allow Him to be alive in your heart today? It is the most peace you will ever know.

"Whoever has my commands and keeps them, he is the one who loves me.  The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them" John 14:21

Happy Father's Day in Heaven daddy.  Thank you for showing me by example what my Heavenly Father is like.  I love you both, immensely.