Saturday, January 30, 2016

How to Glow in the Dark

It's a night I will never forget.

The night before daddy got sick - Thursday, Dec. 18 - I had a crazy dream.  I dreamed that I walked upstairs to the spare bedroom in the middle of the night, and shut the door.  Someone else was in the room, but I couldn't see who it was. I could just feel the presence.  The lights were off, and it was pitch black. I shut the door.  That's how I know for sure this was a dream, because I am tee totally scared to death of the dark! But there I was. 

I knelt down and started to pray.  Soon I felt a rush of air, and my skin felt like it was gently vibrating all over.  I felt extreme cold and heat at the same time. The air that I breathed in tasted sweet and tingled inside of my lungs.  It was the most amazing feeling!  What's going on???? Then I hear the still small voice say, "This is the Holy Spirit, clothing you with light".  I peeked out from my prayerful pose and I was draped in light!  I was glowing in the dark!   I wanted to feel this way forever! I memorized that feeling! 

Then I awoke.  Dang it! I wanted more of that! I tried to go back to sleep and continue the dream, but it was over. 

I wondered why I dreamed such a thing, but felt very blessed to get a taste of that. 

The next day, daddy got sick, with what we thought was a bowel obstruction.  In the ER, a cat scan delivered the worst news possible.  Multiple tumors.  Probable cancer. Several locations.  As my I gut wrenched in worry and heartache, that magical feeling I experienced in my dream returned to me.  I felt clothed in light.  I felt comfort in the storm.  We were not alone.  

Every time I've taken dad to the doctor, or stayed with him at home or in the hospital, it seems like we've been dealt another blow of bad news and bleaker outlooks.  Each and every time, without fail, the Holy Spirit reminds me of his presence.  And I am comforted.  And loved beyond explanation.  At those moments especially, I can just close my eyes and be still, and hear His whisper.  

1 Kings 19:11-13 is one of my very favorite passages.  "The Lord said to Elijah, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by."  

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.

After the wind, there was an earthquake! But the Lord was not in the earthquake.

After the earthquake, came a fire!  But the Lord was not in the fire. 

And after the fire, came a gentle whisper.  When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave."

God is in the whisper. 

I am humbled and in awe of the Holy Spirit's provision and presence in my life, especially during this journey in the valley.  He is so close to the broken hearted, which makes being broken hearted, very different for me than non believers. 

So thankful. 



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