This Cross Is Heavy

Tonight I am sad to see dad suffering.  I am sad to think of mom worrying.  I am burdened when I know my sisters are feeling the heaviness of all this too.  I feel helpless.  My MS is kicking up a bit and my leg has been trembling today.  When I napped earlier, I dreamed I was in the hallway and it gave way with me and I fell in the floor.  I could feel the cold hard tile against my face.  And i cried onto the floor. 

I think my dream was playing out to helplessness I am feeling right now.  THe heaviness of this burden.  The unpredictability of dad's tumors.  When I closed my eyes to pray tonight, I just said, "Father, it is too heavy." And I was instantly reminded of a burden Jesus carried for me. 

It was a huge cross.  And on top of it were all my sins, your sins, and the sins of every person. Not only was that physically heavy, it was emotionally heavy.  And he fell beneath the load.  Bystanders tried to help, but the guards wouldn't let them. Jesus had to bear it.  Did he lay down the cross and walk away? No. He trudged on.  He trusted His Father. He had asked His Father, "take this cup from me please", but that was not the plan.  There was a bigger picture. 

I am aware that 'my cross' is nothing in comparison to what Jesus bore.  But in bearing that, He showed us all that even when it is unfair, even when it is so heavy, even when it seems impossible to move forward.  Move forward anyway.  Press on.  You are not alone.